Sunday, August 9, 2009

Wish I had no regrets

Last week had been quite busy at home. It was the last week of my parents visit. My younger sister also was visiting along with her husband. We had a full house. Lot of talking(even snapping at each other), lot of cooking, lots of eating out, lot of shopping.

The last few days of parents or in-laws visit are always hard on many levels. I wish I could say that their trip was really nice and very memorable in every respect. They really had a wonderful time and they are looking forward to the next trip already. It would be really nice not to have any regrets about my own behavior with them in past 7 weeks. Sadly, it is not so. Sure they enjoyed their visit. Sure I enjoyed getting a break from cooking, cleaning, bathing and dressing up kids etc. But, in my heart I know that they were not exactly happy. I used to snap at them for seemingly insignificant reasons. It must be really trivial things because I do not even remember any particulars of the various incidents. They are my parents and I know they will easily forgive me and wont hold any grudge whatsoever. But that does not take the guilt away.

I keep on analyzing my behavior and in theory I completely agree with my husband that our parents are not getting any younger and we have to let go of the little annoying things that they do or say. It is not possible for them to change themselves at that age. We have to adjust and accommodate . I think I know all the theory of it but just have a hard time putting it in practice. When I try to adjust and accommodate and try not to snap and yell, I tend to go in my own shell and become aloof. So, when will that time come when I can HAPPILY, CHEERFULLY adapt to my surroundings?

I want my family to get the BEST of me and not the worst. I DESPARATELY need to learn to put others need before my own needs. I need to learn to let go of all the sarcasm, bitter and hurtful comments , self centered attitude and practice LOVING KINDNESS.

I am at the starting point right now and hope I never ever come back to the square one.


goinghome said...

Hi !
Go to your breath every time you feel irritation piling up.
It will have changed in some way.
The split second spent in locating it keeps you away from reacting instantly.
It works!
Start practising when you're calm, happy, quiet etc.