Thursday, May 28, 2009

Blame Game

I ( very  enthusiastically ) enrolled my dear daughter(will be referred to as DD here after) for the dance class. She started going without much complaining.  I had to go with her  of course and sit there for an hour and watch the class , keeping my younger one's activities and noise level down while the class was in session.  In just a couple of weeks my enthusiasm level was considerably low.  Its just pain to take the kids to different activities and sometimes push them to do all those things.  I had to nag my DD to get ready in time for the class, nag some more to practice dance at home. She did not even practice once. Pretty soon I started dreading Thursdays. Then I thought of giving up the dance class. I asked my DD if she would like to continue and she did not show any interest. I made up my mind and called the teacher and pulled her out of the class.

One of my close friends got extremely upset at my decision. She is of the opinion that I should just push her a little and continue with the class. She also said that I am pulling her out just because I hate to drive every week to the class. I agree in part that I really do not like that chore. But at the same time I also know that had my DD shown even slight amount of interest and enthusiasm then I would have taken her to the class every week.

DD is happy about not going to the class anymore even though her 2 close friends are going(YEY she is not giving into the peer pressure, might be a nice thing in teens). For her the best part of the class was taking the "ghoongroos" off! I still do not feel at peace with my own decision. Should I really push her a little more and make her go? I don’t know what I am worried about. I certainly not the fact that my friends may judge me based on this.  I have been giving it some thought. It took me to my childhood in Pune.

Me and my sister used to go for "bharatnatyam" dance class. We may have gone for a few months before calling it quits. My sister said that she did not like to do the steps that teacher taught and wanted to do her own steps.(That's EXACTLY what my DD told me, talk  about history repeating itself).  A few years ago, I was talking to my mother about our childhood and hobbies etc.  I do not have a single recreational activity or talent like singing, dancing, playing any instrument or any other arts or crafts thing. During our conversation I blamed my mother about it and told her that she should have pushed us a little harder and made us go to the class even against our will back then. That way, today I would know some art form. My mother did not defend herself and just took the blame.

That brings me to the conclusion that I must be afraid of my DD growing up and blaming me for not knowing "kathak" dance.

I have  come a full circle  indeed!

But where do I go from here? May be I can enroll her again after a couple of years if she shows any interest again. For now, I just enrolled her for swimming lessons. That should take the guilt away for a while I guess!

And most importantly, I have to say this out loud, "I am so sorry Aai(mom) for blaming you".


Moondog said...

Ah, the mommy guilt. We all have it. I've been through the same w/ my daughter and now w/ my son. My daughter quit dance, and years later has decided on her own to take it back up again. You just never know!

All you can do is expose them to these things, and you are doing that. :) I'm sure you are a great mom!!