Thursday, October 31, 2013

Aatya and Kaka passed away. Just 15 days apart. Cancer got them both. I made a whirlwind trip to India to meet them just a month ago. I knew it was to say my final good bye to both of them. Kaka passed away on 16th October and Aatya today i.e. 31st October. Of all the days, she chose Halloween to go.
It's an end of an era. When someone close to you dies, you die a little along with them. The special bond you shared just vanishes. That relationship does not grow anymore with good or bad, bitter or sweet interactions. What remains is just memories; satisfaction about what was done right, regret about what was done wrong. All that remains is acceptance of death!
Here is my last letter to my favorite Aunt and Uncle that I never posted.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Yoga Workshop

I have enrolled myself in for a yoga workshop. It's been a long time since I attended a yoga class let alone a workshop. After the initial excitement of being a new yoga teacher died down an I landed on my feet safely from the clouds, I was turning away from all things yoga including the yoga blogs, workshops, spiritual mambo jumbo, blissful pseudo status updates on FB from yoga teachers. But let's not go there right now :)


The workshop I will be attending is taught by Srivatsa Ramaswami who is the longest standing student of T. Krishnamacharya who is the teacher of widely famous yoga teachers like BKS Iyengar, Indra Devi, K Pattabhi Jois. I am very excited  about learning from him and grateful to have the opportunity to learn from him right here.


I have to admit that my yoga practice is not regular these days. Not since I stopped teaching in November of last year. But I plan to do the best I can and soak it all in. I am excited to go out and simply do what I enjoy the most. I can't wait to immerse myself in yoga for 3-4 days. I can't attend the entire workshop due to my work schedule but I am happy with whatever I can get. I will attend the Thursday evening and Friday evening classes/lectures and spend entire Saturday and half of the Sunday. That will be a treat and I hope it is just the thing I was waiting for to reinvent myself, rejuvenate myself.


After quite some time, I have butterflies in my stomach. I feel nervous and excited at the same time. I am full of hope and anticipation to learn something new.

Friday, April 20, 2012

गुगल ट्रान्स लिटरेशन वापरून मराठीत लिहिता येतंय का ते बघायची पहिलीच वेळ, आणि ते प्रकरण सोप्पं नाही हे लगेचच लक्षात आलं. "लिटरेशन" हा शब्द लिहिताना ज्या काही कसरती कराव्या लागल्या ते माझं मलाच माहिती.

जर मराठीत लिहायचं असेल तर दुसरी कायतरी सोय बघावीच लागेल.


आज खूपच दिवसा-वर्षानी ब्लॉग वरची धूळ झटकली आहे. नाहीतरी आया-बहिणी सोडून कोणी तसाही वाचतच नाही त्यामुळे माझ्या न लिहिण्यानी जगाचं काही नुकसान झालेलं नाही :)


हे लिहिताना एकीकडे व्हिज्युअल स्टुडियो लोड करणे चालू आहे, दुसरीकडे हेडफोन कानात खुपसून विविध भारती ऐकते आहे. काही काही कोपच्यातली गाणी फक्त आणि फक्त विविध भारती वरच ऐकता येतात. आताच ऐकलेल्या महान गाण्याचे बोल होते, "बर्तानोको करलो कल्हाई" ! "गर्ल्स होस्टेल" नावाच्या कोणे एके काळाच्या सिनेमातलं होतं ते गाणं.


आजचा वेळ मी जुने  जे ब्लॉग आता वाचत नाही त्यांची लिंक काढून टाकणे, नव्याने वाचायला लागलेल्या ब्लॉग च्या लिंक डकवणे, ही निरर्थक पोस्ट लिहिणे यात सत्कारणी गेला.



Friday, January 14, 2011


Finished reading the book last night. 2011 sure started on a great note as far as reading goes.I am so glad I snooped around my friend's library during Xmas weekend and found this book. I have been wanting read it for over 2 years; ever since I read Tulips cuckold inspired post! It sure did not disappoint me one bit.
For starters, Kiran Nagarkar's writing style is so fluid, it draws you towards the book. It could have increased my vocabulary ten fold, had I stopped to look up the words in the dictionary but I did not do that.I really liked the way he has used language of today to paint the historic by gone era. I quit reading historic novels(in Marathi) just because the language used is so ornate and to me it is BORING(Vishwas patil, Ranjit Desai, Shivaji Sawant).
The characters he sketches come alive in your head while reading. Especially the female characters. It was no surprise to me that I instantly liked the Princess but what did surprise me was that I did not dislike the apparently negative characters e.g. Queen Karmavati/Vikramaditya. I kept thinking to myself, I actually ought to dislike them but I kind of see their point!
Loved the name Greeneyes for the Little Saint!
Maharaj Kumar seemed like a real person with strengths and weaknesses. A person who could not achieve his potential. Had to live in the shadow of his father for the fear of losing the crown perhaps. It is a mystery to me why I thought of Maharaj Kumar as a one woman man in spite him sleeping with many! His desperate attempts of winning back his wife by posing as the Blue God did not make me cringe but actually sympathize with him. Couldn't help but wonder what made him so drawn towards the Princess...perhaps the human nature of wanting desperately what you can not have.
Moving on to Kausalya now. considering how we are raised it is highly unlikely for anyone to understand and relate to the fact(actually fiction) that a woman who nursed a child and practically raised him, maintaining sexual relations with him. Despite it, Kausalya is very likable. Most of the times, from what we read or watch in the movies, we like the parts to which we can relate to on some level. This book just challenges that notion. I got involved with the characters without being critical of their behaviour or feeling the need to defend them. (The thought that the Princess might have been schizophrenic did cross my mind though) Kudos to Kiran nagarkar. He made me love his characters inspite of their shortcomings and still maintain a slight aloofness about them.
Any book that pushes your boundaries and places you in ever growing concentric circles rather than rigid boxes is good book.
This one certainly got me out of the comfort zone and still be open and tolerant about the uncomfortable zone I stepped into.

Monday, October 18, 2010


It is time to sit back and examine myself thoroughly. My intentions, my expectations from myself, my responsibilities, my (lacking) ambitions.Time to introspect, friends!

Ever since I lost my regular IT job, I am secretly wishing and hoping to get into teaching yoga full time. I also understand my financial responsibilities of raising 2 children and putting them through college. Being the typical Indian parent, I do feel like I have to sponsor their education without them having to worry about it and just focusing on studies.
Let's face it, there is no way I can do that being a full time yoga teacher(unless of course my fantasy from earlier post comes true ). I know that I wont get a part time job in my field and getting a full time job means that cutting the cord between me and yoga. I feel that constant internal struggle, a tug of war of sorts. I do not know which direction to steer myself in.

On the teaching front there are more issues. I feel like I am being stuck. Today was the 3rd class of "no shows" at the studio where I teach. It is hard to not take it personally. I feel like there must be something lacking. Some times when I teach a class, I know that these students must know my speech by heart! I have become so repetitive. I understand the importance of that while teaching beginners. But it gets so boring to listen to your own voice saying the same things over and over..
I am not a very experienced or senior teacher. There is a lot that still needs to be learnt, both as a yoga teacher and as a yoga student. I have to reinvent myself, focus on self study or "svadhyaya".

I think it is time to step into my student shoes again.
I am already talking like I have made my career choice. Wish it was that easy. Until I figure this out,I will continue to apply for IT positions as well as get my daily dose of yoga.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Day Dreaming

I have been reading "Anne Of Green Gables". As a result Anne's trait rubbed off on me. This morning while coming back home after teaching yoga, I let my imagination run wild. I let myself imagine my life as a very occupied and respected yoga teacher and of course a very "in demand" teacher as well. There was a yogic air about me ;) not the snobbish kind but very pleasant, peaceful kind. Some gifted individuals could see my aura too.

I was busy shuttling between different yoga studios far and wide. My calendar was booked months in advance. After I finished teaching my classes, students and newbie teachers flocked around me to ask more questions and I was refining their studies by helping them with subtle details on the breath, alignment and even thought process behind it all. They all left feeling very happy, elated, confident, calm, centered and with their faith in the universe restored.

As a service to the society, I was teaching yoga to underprivileged children once a week. Their happy and cheerful faces full of dreams made me stronger and full of hope. I joyously told everyone that I learnt more from those children than I taught them.

I had my little website too which had basic contact information about me, my teaching schedule and upcoming work shop details, testimonials from students etc. My news letters were circulated in the yoga community local and global.

I did not stop at that, I was conducting a donation based teacher training for those individuals who wanted to take their yoga studies deeper and could not do it due to the exorbitant training fees! ! Soon the word spread and before I knew it, I was being interviewed by various yoga websites and blog writers. They wanted to know more about my teaching style, philosophy and more about ME. How and when did my yoga journey start,what were the mile stones that marked my path. When they came to know that I did not have any severe injury that led me to yoga, neither was I an addict trying to recover and found yoga to be life changing nor was I recovering from any kind of abuse or trauma. I was not even that big shot but totally burnt out corporate executive who had enough one fine day and decided to just call it quits and turn her life around. I was just born and raised in a very regular loving, caring and nurturing atmosphere and saw my family members practicing yoga for generations as a part of their life style without realizing that they were doing anything special.
My biography suddenly looked boring...It lacked edge of the seat drama, spunk and spice. I was given hints to alter my biography to make it more interesting and appealing to the reader and prospective students. But, before I was in the depths of despair I reached home ;)

Now i am thinking whether to keep working on my "software developer" resume or "friendly neighborhood yoga teacher who teaches 'as is yoga' " resume. Any suggestions?

Disclaimer: I do not mean to make fun of or insult any yoga teachers famous or not, in the above post. Just wanted to have a little fun. Yoga teachers are allowed to that.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Back home

Here I am.Sitting at the dining table in the air conditioned comfort of my home. I am back from India, almost 2 weeks ago. The trip was good but it left me unsatisfied on so many different levels.

I was happy to be home with parents and sister. Enjoyed being pampered. Now I think back and realize that during the 6-7 weeks in India I even was a better parent to my lovely girls.(of course why wouldn't I be? I did not have to cook for them or feed them or get them ready for school. I just did not have to nag them for anything.)
Our trip to Shimla-Manali was interesting. Shimla IMO is a highly overrated tourist destination. The roads are very small and overcrowded with tourist buses/taxis. I was looking forward to seeing slopes of "deodars" but could see slopes with hotels everywhere. Anywhere we stopped for chai/coffee during our journey, my eyes were just busy spotting trash.
Manali was a little prettier but the hotel had no competition in the worst hotels category. It would be an understatement to say that the hotel room and the bathroom was bio-hazard. The tap water that we used for brushing the teeth and shower was dark yellow/black in color. No points for guessing that all of us came down with vomiting and diarrhea. It took a while to shake it off.After returning to Pune we were just scared to eat anything.
The only memorable thing during the trip was the drive to "Rohtang pass" from Manali. Too bad only me and my daughter went as all the other family members were down in their hotel rooms.
That drive is truly spectacular and breathtaking. The physical suffering prior to it just felt like "tapas" to be able to view such grandeur of the majestic Himalayas. I just do not have the words to explain what I saw in all directions. I saw how insignificant we are.That was a truly humbling journey and I am so grateful for that.
It also dawned on me, how american I have become over the years in more than one ways.
And it is not a bad thing at all. In fact it is quite liberating. I could be honest to my feelings about not being able to handle the physical/emotional stress of living in India. I was and still am a little sad and guilty about feeling that way but I now have the courage to admit it to myself and to my close ones.

The afternoon we returned home from our trip and 4 of us were sitting at the table all tired from the trip, the journey, the jet lag etc. and were nibbling the sandwiches we picked up on the way home, I had a sense of peace and being at home. I remember saying to the husband that, that was it, that was life him, me and the girls. Nothing else matters.
That is a same feeling I get every time I land in Indian soil though. It is weird but not entirely impossible to call both the countries my home. India is my birth land, my "janma bhoomi" and USA is my "Karma bhoomi".
I was home then and I am home now.